75+ red flag or green flag questions covering first dates, communication, long-term behavior, and more. Great conversation starters for couples.

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    Red Flag or Green Flag? 72+ Scenarios to Discuss

    A curated list of dating scenarios grouped by category. Use them as conversation starters, compare your instincts with your partner, or play the full game to see how the community voted.

    Play the Full Game — 500+ Scenarios

    How to Use This List

    Read each scenario out loud and give your honest first reaction: red flag, green flag, or it depends? There are no wrong answers — the point is to see where you and your partner agree, where you don't, and why. Some of the best conversations come from the scenarios you react to differently.

    Scenarios marked green flag are ones the community rates highly positive. Everything else is either contested or leans red — but your take is what matters.

    First Date Questions

    These scenarios cover early dating behavior — how someone shows up, what they prioritize, and the small moments that reveal character.

    1

    Shows up 30 minutes late without texting

    2

    Talks about their ex for 20 minutes straight

    3

    Checks their phone repeatedly during dinner without explanation

    4

    Asks thoughtful follow-up questions about your interests

    Community votes this a green flag

    5

    Offers to walk you to your car at night

    Community votes this a green flag

    6

    Makes negative comments about the server

    7

    Suggests meeting somewhere public for the first date

    Community votes this a green flag

    8

    Asks if you got home safely afterward

    Community votes this a green flag

    9

    Pressures you to drink when you decline

    10

    Orders for you without asking what you want

    11

    Mentions they Googled you before the date

    12

    Remembers small details you mentioned earlier in conversation

    Community votes this a green flag

    13

    Shows up visibly intoxicated

    14

    Brings up salary within the first hour

    15

    Suggests extending the date because they are enjoying themselves

    Community votes this a green flag

    Communication Style

    How someone communicates — especially when things get uncomfortable — is one of the strongest predictors of relationship health.

    1

    Goes silent for days after a minor disagreement

    2

    Raises their voice when frustrated instead of talking through it

    3

    Says "I'm fine" when they're clearly not, then brings it up later

    4

    Addresses problems directly but calmly when they come up

    Community votes this a green flag

    5

    Apologizes sincerely and then actually changes the behavior

    Community votes this a green flag

    6

    Uses "you always" and "you never" in every argument

    7

    Communicates openly about what they need instead of expecting you to guess

    Community votes this a green flag

    8

    Shuts down or leaves during difficult conversations

    9

    Checks in after a hard conversation to make sure you both feel resolved

    Community votes this a green flag

    10

    Brings up past arguments as ammunition in new fights

    11

    Listens to understand rather than just waiting to respond

    Community votes this a green flag

    12

    Uses the silent treatment as a way to punish

    Long-Term Relationship Behavior

    Patterns that emerge over time tell a different story than first impressions. These scenarios reflect ongoing dynamics in established relationships.

    1

    Never wants to discuss future plans together

    2

    Gets jealous when you spend time with friends

    3

    Supports your career goals even when it is inconvenient for them

    Community votes this a green flag

    4

    Doesn't want you to have close friends outside the relationship

    5

    Consistently makes time for things that matter to you

    Community votes this a green flag

    6

    Makes major life decisions without discussing them with you

    7

    Celebrates your wins genuinely without making it about them

    Community votes this a green flag

    8

    Brings up ending the relationship whenever you disagree

    9

    Checks your phone without permission

    10

    Apologizes quickly but the behavior doesn't change

    11

    Makes an effort to get along with your friends and family

    Community votes this a green flag

    12

    Compares you unfavorably to their ex

    13

    Asks for your opinion before making decisions that affect both of you

    Community votes this a green flag

    Social Behavior

    How someone acts around other people — especially people they don't know or don't need to impress — reveals a lot.

    1

    Is consistently rude or dismissive to waitstaff and service workers

    2

    Treats everyone with the same level of respect regardless of their status

    Community votes this a green flag

    3

    Talks negatively about every single one of their exes

    4

    Has close friendships they've maintained for years

    Community votes this a green flag

    5

    Dominates every group conversation and rarely lets others finish

    6

    Introduces you proudly to their friends early on

    Community votes this a green flag

    7

    Acts completely differently around their friends than around you

    8

    Remembers details about your friends and asks about them

    Community votes this a green flag

    9

    Makes fun of others publicly for laughs

    10

    Is genuinely happy for other people's success

    Community votes this a green flag

    Boundaries and Respect

    The clearest test of character is how someone responds to a no. These scenarios focus on how potential partners handle limits, preferences, and differences.

    1

    Respects your no without making you feel guilty for it

    Community votes this a green flag

    2

    Gets angry or sulky when you set a boundary

    3

    Pushes back every time you say you're not comfortable with something

    4

    Asks before touching or escalating physical contact

    Community votes this a green flag

    5

    Tries to change your mind about a boundary rather than respecting it

    6

    Takes your preferences seriously even when they don't match their own

    Community votes this a green flag

    7

    Reads your discomfort and checks in without being asked

    Community votes this a green flag

    8

    Keeps pushing after being told no in any context

    9

    Acknowledges when they overstepped and adjusts without being asked

    Community votes this a green flag

    10

    Treats boundaries as negotiable rather than as actual limits

    Lifestyle and Values

    Some of the hardest "red or green flag" questions come down to compatibility. These scenarios are genuinely divisive — the community is split on many of them.

    1

    Doesn't believe in therapy or talking to a professional

    2

    Wants to know your phone passcode from early in the relationship

    3

    Still has close friendships with several exes

    4

    Loves going out with friends most weekends

    5

    Prefers staying in over going out, almost always

    6

    Talks about wanting kids on the second date

    7

    Makes their career the clear first priority

    8

    Has never been in a relationship longer than 6 months

    9

    Refuses to split the bill, regardless of who earns more

    10

    Goes to therapy regularly and talks openly about it

    Community votes this a green flag

    11

    Still talks to family members daily

    12

    Has strong opinions about how a home should be run

    See How the Community Voted

    The full game has 500+ scenarios with live community vote percentages. Swipe through them, add your own vote, and see where you land versus thousands of other people.

    Play the Red Flag Green Flag Game

    What Makes Something a Red Flag vs. a Green Flag?

    The straightforward cases are easy: aggression is a red flag, genuine kindness is a green flag. The interesting territory is everything in between — the scenarios where reasonable people disagree, where context changes everything, or where the flag depends entirely on what you personally value in a relationship.

    For example, "still talks to their exes" gets very different responses depending on who you ask. Some people see maintained friendships with exes as a sign of emotional maturity. Others see it as a red flag regardless of the explanation. Neither answer is objectively right — which is exactly why these scenarios make for great conversations.

    The most useful thing about discussing these scenarios with a partner isn't arriving at the "correct" answer. It's learning what the other person values, where their lines are, and how they reason about relationship dynamics. A disagreement about whether someone going out every weekend is a red flag tells you more about both of you than the scenario itself.

    How to Use These as Conversation Starters

    The best way to use this list is to pick 5-10 scenarios at random and take turns giving your first gut reaction before explaining your reasoning. The quick gut reaction often reveals more than a considered answer.

    Pay particular attention to scenarios where you react very differently. If one of you says "obvious red flag" and the other says "totally fine," that gap is worth exploring. You might find that you're applying different assumptions about intent, or that you've had very different experiences that shaped how you read the scenario.

    For the full experience with 500+ scenarios and live community vote data, head to the Red Flag Green Flag game. You can also browse the community's top picks on the dating red flags and dating green flags pages.