What's Your Apology Language?
What is an apology language?
Apology languages describe how you prefer to give and receive apologies, helping explain why some apologies land and others don't.
How does it work?
Answer 20 statements about yourself on a scale from Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree.
What will I learn?
Your primary apology language, what you need in an apology, and how to communicate better during conflict.
How long does it take?
About 5 minutes. Answer honestly based on how you typically feel about apologies.
I need to see someone make an effort to fix or undo the damage they caused.
How much do you agree with this statement?
Strongly Disagree
Disagree
Neutral
Agree
Strongly Agree
Frequently Asked Questions
Apology languages describe how you prefer to give and receive apologies, similar to how love languages describe how you prefer to give and receive love. The concept was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas in their research on effective apologies.
Understanding apology languages explains why some apologies feel hollow while others feel genuinely healing. When someone apologizes in your preferred language, it resonates more deeply and helps you move forward.
The five apology languages are: Expressing Regret (saying "I'm sorry"), Accepting Responsibility (admitting fault without excuses), Making Restitution (making up for the wrong), Genuinely Repenting (committing to change), and Requesting Forgiveness (asking for forgiveness directly).
Most people have one or two primary languages that they value most when receiving an apology.
When someone apologizes in their apology language rather than yours, it may not land the way they intended. For example, if you need to hear "I was wrong" but your partner keeps buying you gifts, the apology might feel empty.
Learning your partner's apology language helps you craft apologies that actually heal. Try our Love Language Quiz to understand more ways you and your partner communicate differently.
Share your results with your partner so you both understand what makes an apology feel complete and genuine. Next time conflict arises, try incorporating elements of your partner's apology language.
Remember, effective apologies also require good timing and genuine intention. Check out our Relationship Stress Test to see how you're doing across other relationship areas.